Signs Depression is Taking a Toll on Your Relationship

Depression can impact every part of a person’s life, from their work to their romantic relationships. Dealing with depression can take its toll on both the person with depression and the supporting partner. If you’re worried that depression is affecting your relationship, understanding its impact is an important first step. 

In this guide, we shed light on how depression can impact relationships, strategies to cope, and when to seek professional help. 

How Depression Affects Relationships

Depression can leave a person feeling like a shell of their former self, and that can impact all parts of their life, including relationships. Symptoms of depression can vary from one individual to another, so your personal experience can look different. Depression can take its toll on your relationship in a number of ways. 

You may notice changes in intimacy and closeness.  

Depression can affect self-esteem and intimacy, contributing to decreased libido. One partner may feel rejected at times, and a lack of intimacy can cause more tension in relationships. 

You may experience communication issues.  

You may notice an increase in misunderstandings or arguments. Depression can make it hard to say what you mean or find the words to describe how you’re feeling. This can be frustrating for both partners and make it challenging to communicate. 

You may feel like your partner is withdrawing from you.   

People struggling with depression tend to socially withdraw or isolate themselves. One of the symptoms of depression is feeling exhausted or hopeless, which makes it extremely tough to engage with loved ones. This can lead to feelings of rejection in the supporting partner or a sense of helplessness. 

You may find that your partner is emotionally unavailable and distant.  

Emotional availability is crucial to a loving, deep, and trusting relationship. Without this, couples can feel more disconnected and lonely. Loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed is a hallmark symptom of depression. In relationships, this could translate into couples no longer doing activities together. 

For instance, if you love to go to the movies together, the partner with depression might withdraw and no longer want to go. This can make the supporting partner feel hurt or rejected, contributing to relationship issues. 

Common Signs of Depression in a Partner

Depression isn’t just feeling sad; it’s a serious mental health condition that can cause severe symptoms. It can change how you think, feel, and deal with everyday activities. Something like waking up in the morning can feel impossible, and simple tasks like taking a shower don’t matter anymore. 

To better understand how depression affects relationships, it’s important to learn about how depression affects a person. Explaining depression to someone you love is a hard task in itself. If you haven’t experienced depression, it’s difficult to know what it feels like. 

There are different types of depression; here’s a quick glance at some of the most common ones: 

• Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is characterized by a persistent and intense feeling of sadness, alongside other common symptoms. 
• Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) involves a long-term, chronic low mood, where symptoms persist for at least two years.
• Postpartum Depression (PPD) is a mood disorder that can occur after childbirth, marked by feelings of sadness, anxiety, and fatigue. 
• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression related to seasonal changes, typically occurring during the fall or winter months.
• Bipolar Disorder involves extreme shifts in mood, from periods of mania (highs) to periods of depression (lows).

Depression symptoms range from mild to severe and may include:

• Persistent sadness or low mood 
• No longer being interested in activities previously enjoyed 
• Feeling tired or having no energy 
• Changes in appetite and sleep 
• Easily irritated 
• Not being able to concentrate 
• Feeling worthless 
• Having suicidal thoughts or talking about death or suicide 

Communication Breakdown and Emotional Distance

Sometimes, people can be unhappy in a relationship, which may contribute to depression. But also, people can be in happy and stable relationships and have depression. 

Depression can change the way a person thinks and behaves. Increased irritability, changes in communication, and withdrawal can contribute to communication breakdowns. Speaking to someone with depression can feel like they are clamming up, but maybe they can’t articulate what they feel into words that make sense. Depression can create a sense of space between two people. Patience, compassion, and understanding are essential in recognizing and overcoming these warning signs of depression in a relationship. 

Strategies to Support a Partner with Depression

Supporting a partner with depression typically requires a multi-faceted approach. The aim is to support them and their treatment, but without forgetting about yourself and your well-being. 

Here are some strategies that focus on supporting the partner with depression:

• Educate yourself about depression, its impact, and treatment options. 
• Encourage practical strategies for managing depression, like regular exercise, healthy food, and a consistent sleep schedule. 
• Try to validate and empathize with your partner’s feelings. 
• If you don’t know what to say, just listen and let them know you are there for them. 
• Encourage open communication without judgment.
• Help with daily tasks like chores, picking up groceries, or making meals. 
• Gently encourage professional help.
• Support adherence to any treatment. 

As you support a partner with depression, don’t forget about your own well-being and needs. Consider the following: 

• Prioritize self-care, as looking after someone with depression can be emotionally draining. 
• Offer support, but set healthy boundaries where you cross the line. 
• Avoid taking on too much to the point where you feel exhausted. 
• Find your own support network, like a trusted friend or a support group with like-minded individuals. 

When to Seek Professional Help for Relationship Struggles

Depression is one of the most treatable mental disorders. About 70-90% of people with depression eventually respond well to treatment. Treatment options for depression include: 

• Therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of therapy and has been found to be effective in treating depression. 
• Medication: In some cases, antidepressants may be recommended for the treatment of depression. 
• Self-Help: Alongside therapy and medication, there are things people can do to manage depression, like regular exercise, getting enough sleep, and eating healthy foods.

If you suspect your partner is battling with depression, it’s important to speak with a mental health professional as soon as you can. The faster you can get started with treatment, the better. 

Depression may not always be obvious, but you may notice changes in your relationship. If you feel like the following sounds familiar for you or you have any concerns, you may benefit from reaching out for professional help: 

• You and your partner are going in circles with the same argument. 
• You feel like your well-being is being affected by your partner’s mental health. 
• You think your partner’s behavior has changed significantly. 
• You feel emotionally distant from your partner, which is unusual for you. 
• You’re spending a lot of time feeling frustrated or anxious. 

How Couples Therapy Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Left undiagnosed and untreated, depression can take a significant toll on an individual and their relationship. Therapy is an essential part of treatment. In a situation where a couple is dealing with depression and relationship issues, a mental health professional may recommend individual or couples therapy, or both. Here’s why: 

• Individual Therapy: A therapist can help address personal mental health issues, teach coping strategies, and help navigate depression. 
• Couples Therapy: Together, therapy can help couples communicate more effectively, strengthen their connection, and learn how to manage depressive symptoms in the relationship. 

Essentially, individual therapy can help with personal issues, and couples therapy can help couples join forces and address problems as a team. Couples therapy is also a great tool for learning healthy communication patterns and talking about issues in a safe and judgment-free space. 

Where to Start? 

If you or a loved one is struggling with depression or you’re experiencing relationship difficulties, Thriving Center of Psychology can help. Depression makes a lot of things harder, including maintaining intimacy and openness within a relationship. Working with a mental health professional can help you treat depression and navigate relationship difficulties. 
Take just a few minutes to fill out our questionnaire, and we will match you with a therapist who understands your needs and specific challenges.