How To Stop Fighting In My Relationship?

Is it normal to fight all the time? How can you avoid fighting about the same things in your relationship? These are entirely normal questions to have. No relationship is perfect, and it’s normal to disagree. But if you’re stuck in a loop of fighting about the same things or find that your arguments are very heated, it could be time to address unresolved issues and develop healthy conflict resolution techniques. 

In this article, we will look at the top reasons why couples fight and how you can create healthy communication patterns with tips to reduce relationship flights.  

Why Do Couples Fight?

Sometimes, trivial things can lead to full-blown arguments, yet the fight continues. Maybe you say something you don’t mean, and things start to spiral. Couples fight for so many different reasons. 

One survey found that some of the main reasons couples fight comes down to the following: 

• Tone of voice or attitude 
• Money 
• Communication styles 
• Relationships with immediate or extended family 

Other common reasons couples fight include: 

• Jealousy/infidelity 
• Inadequate attention 
• Chores and responsibilities 
• Sex 
• Differing expectations 
• Unresolved grievances 

Why Is It Important To Resolve Conflicts In Relationships?

Fighting sounds negative, but it’s not all bad. Disagreements can allow two people to explore an issue beyond the surface with the hope of coming to a resolution. It’s normal to feel annoyed or angry by your partner sometimes. But what’s important is how a disagreement is handled. 

Figuring out the right way to manage conflict for you and your partner is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship and nurturing a lasting bond. Unresolved conflicts within a relationship can cause stress and damage your bond. Resolving conflict can lead to greater understanding, better communication, and increased growth. 

Relationship Conflict Management 101 

Managing conflict within a relationship can be difficult. Emotions are often running high, and a lack of compromise or a fear of losing the relationship can hit hard, making it difficult to communicate effectively. Despite these challenges, you and your partner can develop healthy communication techniques to build a stronger, more resilient relationship. 

1. Practicing Effective Relationship Communication 

Effective relationship communication starts with paying attention and listening to your partner. This can often sound overly simple, but feeling heard and listened to is important. Open and honest communication helps set a foundation of trust. 

Try using active listening techniques, such as maintaining eye contact, being present, and not interrupting. Ask questions that make your partner feel heard and show your engagement in the conversation. Communication goes both ways, so these techniques are ones both partners can use. 

2. Applying Conflict Resolution Techniques 

When you have something to bring up, try using “I” statements to avoid blaming the other person. 

For example, “When you cancel our plans at the last minute, I feel unimportant because it feels like you don’t value my time.” In this case, the partner has described a specific feeling and the partner’s behavior and avoids accusing the partner. 

Techniques for resolving conflicts peacefully include: 

• Compromise 
• Negotiation 
• Finding common ground 

Once you and your partner agree on a plan, you should follow through and commit to it. Keep the focus on how you feel about the situation rather than blaming your significant other or calling them unreliable. It can feel exposing and scary to say how you feel, but calmly speaking to your partner about it can help them reconsider the next time they consider canceling and the impact it will have. Maybe they have no idea how you feel. 

3. Managing Emotions During Arguments

Managing your emotions during fights is hard. For some people, the only thing they can do is to walk away when they recognize those intense emotions and to take a moment for themselves. Come to a conversation with respect for your partner and an open mind. Remember that you are a couple, and you’re a team. Hit the pause button if you feel like it’s getting out of hand. Don’t give up on achieving a resolution; you can return to the conversation once you both feel more under control. 

4. Using Mindful Conflict Engagement

When you’re in the middle of an argument, it’s easy to get defensive, and other things can come up. Try to remain present and avoid the fallout leading to “you never listen anyway” or “you don’t care.” Also, try to stay on topic and don’t bring up arguments from the past that have been resolved. 

Focus on your partner, be empathetic, and try to understand where they are coming from. Take a pause and a deep breath, and try to tap into your rational brain instead of running on pure emotion. Learning to manage conflict respectfully is a key part of communication in relationships. 

5. Understanding And Respecting Differences

As individuals, you naturally may have differences in opinions, values, and perspectives. That’s completely normal. In some cases, agreeing to disagree is a better path to resolution. You are both entitled to your opinions, which may not always be the same. Instead, cultivating respect, empathy, and tolerance is important. You don’t always have to agree, but these conversations should come from a place of respect.

6. Building Emotional Connection And Trust

Arguments can help you delve deeper into a subject, making you feel more connected. But how you handle disagreements as a couple or if you find yourself in a constant cycle of fighting can leave you questioning the whole relationship. Strengthening emotional connection to minimize conflicts involves building trust and learning to express appreciation and affection. Couples therapy exercises to build trust and connection include activties like:

• Setting a regular date night 
• Identifying goals together 
• Never going to be angry 

7. Seeking Professional Help

“When should I go to couples therapy?”

This is a common question many couples ask, and there isn’t one answer that applies to every couple and every situation. But there are some reasons why a couple may seek professional help like: 

• Arguing frequently about the same thing 
• Feeling disconnected or have lost intimacy 
• Facing mistrust or infidelity within the relationship 
• Struggling to make a decision together 

Going to couples therapy doesn’t need to be a reaction to a problem; it can also be a time to check in on the relationship. If you’re struggling to resolve conflict or keep coming up against the same argument, seeking guidance from a couples therapist can help improve conflict resolution skills and address relationship issues.

8. Implementing Long-Term Strategies

Establishing healthy communication patterns helps when discussing tough subjects that can get heated. By staying calm under pressure, apologizing when needed, and learning to communicate, you can implement long-term strategies that support a strong and healthy relationship. Find a strategy that works for you as a couple. That could mean setting aside time without distractions for a conversation or picking a time when you’re both relaxed and not overworked. 

Building A Healthy Relationship Through Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies

An argument with your partner can feel draining and stressful, but disagreements are a part of any relationship. However, when you’re fighting often it can leave you wondering whether the relationship is right, or should you leave? 

Instead of avoiding conflict, figuring out how to resolve conflict in a healthy and respectful way can strengthen a relationship. Handling conflict and disagreements is part of effective communication. While it can take some practice to stay calmer or know when you need to take a breather, managing conflict positively sets a strong foundation of connection and trust. 

If you and your partner are caught in a cycle of arguments or struggling to find common ground, the relationship therapists at Thriving Center of Psychology can help. Our therapists are specialized in guiding couples through difficult times and fostering communication. Book an appointment today. We have offices in most major cities, including San Fransico, Washington, and LA.