How Can I Make Divorce Less Painful?

Divorce consistently ranks as one of life’s most stressful experiences, and for good reason. The loss of a relationship, rejection, uncertainty, anger, and resentment all contribute to the emotional pain of a divorce. While there’s no denying it can be a harrowing experience, there are steps you can take to make divorce less painful, manage the pain in a healthy way, and move forward. 

Cooperation, Communication and Mediation

A cooperative approach to the divorce process can be beneficial because it focuses on solutions and can help to minimize hostility. Clear communication between partners helps to reduce misunderstandings and gives you both more control over the outcome. 

When you end a marriage, the divorce process can be intensely emotional but also involve a lot of logistics. If you have children together and shared assets, there are many elements to sort through before parting ways. 

Divorce mediation involves a third-party neutral mediator who guides the couple toward a solution on issues like child custody and finances. It is typically less expensive and less stressful than going to court, but it may not be an option for everyone, especially in high-conflict situations. 

Utilize Your Support Network

People divorce for many reasons, from lack of communication and infidelity to financial issues. It’s important to lean on your support network when you’re going through a divorce. This can include: 

• Close Friends and Family: Close family members or friends can offer a listening ear, helping you feel emotionally supported and less alone during a tough time. 
• Therapist: Divorce can be a minefield of emotions. Therapists equip individuals with tools to navigate these feelings and build healthy coping mechanisms.
• Support Groups: Divorce support groups connect you with others going through a similar experience, which can help you feel a sense of community. 

One way that divorce can feel so tough is that you’re supposed to make important decisions about your life while often feeling emotionally charged and sometimes hurt and rejected. While they don’t offer emotional support, a divorce attorney can be a crucial part of your support network. 

A divorce attorney can help you navigate divorce and family law by analyzing your financial information (like tax returns and credit cards), securing a fair custodial arrangement (if relevant) and settlement, representing you in court if needed, and ensuring compliance with the final agreement.

Legal counsel can help both parties navigate the intricacies and logistics of divorce. Meanwhile, friends, family, or a therapist can offer emotional support and guidance through tough times. Often, during a divorce, you need different types of help. For instance, family members can help with childcare or running errands, a therapist can provide a safe space to process emotions, and a lawyer can help with the legal aspects of a divorce. 

Focus on a Brighter Future

Divorce can sometimes feel all-consuming, but don’t forget about looking to the future. Focusing on a brighter future can feel empowering. Here are some tips to shift your perspective: 

• Focus on the Positive: Look for opportunities for personal growth. Take a class, learn a new skill or language, or pick back up a hobby you previously enjoyed. 
• Envision Your Future: Make a list of your goals or things you would like to achieve. This list can be a light in dark times and a powerful motivator. 
• Acknowledge the Pain: Ending a relationship can be painful. Acknowledge how you feel, and remember that there are possibilities ahead. 
• Healing Takes Time: Remember that it takes time to process difficult emotions and move forward, so be patient and allow yourself to feel every emotion. 

Taking Care of Yourself

Research consistently finds a strong association between divorce and adverse health outcomes in adults. As many know, romantic breakups can completely derail your life. One study found that almost 20% of participants who experienced major depression in the past year attributed it to a recent romantic breakup.  

Going through a divorce can be emotionally and physically draining. By taking care of yourself, you give yourself the best chance of being able to deal with the stress and upheaval that comes from a divorce. 

While it can feel like you don’t know where to start at times, keep self-care simple and try to cover a few areas to support overall well-being: 

• Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep every night 
• Exercise regularly, like walking, running, or swimming 
• Eat a healthy diet  
• Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing exercises 
• Stick to your routine if possible for sleep, meals, exercise 
• Do activities you enjoy, like reading or socializing with friends 
• Seek support from trusted family and friends or a therapist 

How Psychologists Can Help

While securing a lawyer is essential to navigating the legalities of divorce, incorporating a psychologist can be an invaluable partner in addressing the emotional challenges that often arise. Here’s how speaking with a psychologist can help make the process easier: 

• Emotional Resilience: A psychologist equips you with tools to manage the emotional rollercoaster of divorce. They can provide a safe space to express your grief, anger, and anxieties without judgment. 
• Clearer Decision-Making: There are a lot of decisions to make during a divorce. A psychologist can help guide you through self-reflection to understand your priorities and long-term goals. This can help you make informed decisions about things like finances, child custody, and your future life. 
• Improved Communication: A psychologist can equip you with practical communication skills, promoting more effective interactions with your ex-partner, especially when navigating co-parenting arrangements. This can help to reduce conflict and contribute to a smoother divorce process.
• Reduced Stress: There’s no escaping the fact that divorce is stressful. A psychologist can equip you with stress management techniques like mindfulness or relaxation exercises. They can also help you to identify and address potential conflict triggers, promoting a calmer and more manageable experience.
• Future Relationships: A therapist can help you identify past patterns, manage negative thinking, and build self-esteem. This newfound awareness equips you with communication skills and healthy boundaries for future relationships.

Divorce can also be a difficult time for children. Therapists can help couples going through a divorce to co-parent, prioritize kids’ well-being, foster healthy communication, and try to minimize conflict. Overall, this helps to create a smoother transition as families navigate divorce together. 

Contact Thriving Center of Psych

While divorce is rarely painless, a therapist can be an ally during a difficult period. If you’re struggling to cope with a divorce or having a tough time processing your emotions, we can help. 
Our experienced psychologists specialize in supporting individuals and families navigating divorce. Contact the experts at Thriving Center of Pysch today.